The computer-chair Quarterback

This probably won't mean a whole lot to the people who actually do regular this page, but I just feel that note needs to be taken of the incredibly sorry state of the NFL's starting quarterbacks right now. It's comical to be honest; I get a good kick out of the combination of second-run journeyman and struggling rookies getting a chance to shine right now. Only half, count-em, half of the league's teams are currently starting the quarterback they ended last year with right now.
For the last couple years the decline of the position has been discussed due to diluting the talent level with more teams and just an abnormally bad crop at the moment. Well add a huge rash of injuries on top of that and you've got an open market in which anyone from Trent Edwards to Trent Dilfer can grab one more chance. Here's a run down of the 16 new quarterbacks.

Baltimore Ravens-They started the year with an aging Steve 'Air' McNair, but they're plan was snaired (you see what I did there?) when he sustained an injury after several weeks of mediocre play, now it's down to perennial guy who can never quite beat out the starter Kyle Boller to lead the charge.

Cleveland Browns-The Browns, on their way to the Super Bowl, tore their chances apart by trading away impending superstar and NFL legend Charlie Frye after.... one week. Who's filling in? The affable Derek Anderson.

Houston Texans-After five years of David Carr holding the reins, he was let go and former Atlanta back-up Matt Schaub was brought in (little did Schaub know he could have started with Atlanta anyway as a certain Micahel Vick was the one ahead of him). Well anyway, Schaub was doing well until this past week when he got hurt. My favorite ISU alum came to the rescue though, that being Mr. Sage Rosenfels.

Jacksonville Jaguars-A training camp battle between last years two starters, Byron Leftwich and David Garrard took place prior to this season with the victory going to Garrard. For some inexplicable reason, rather than keep such a capable back-up, the Jags released Leftwich soon after. One wonders if they regret it now that Garrard's out for the next month and their new starter, Quinn Gray, probably hasn't even heard of himself.

Tennesee Titans-After winning the job during the second half of last season, young phenom and Rose Bowl legend Vince Young fell victim to the Madden Curse recently and was hurt. The new starter? Kerry DUI Collins, the Panthers first ever draft choice as a franchise back in 1995.

Buffalo Bills-There's a doozy of a war waging between Trent Edwards and JP Losman. Look out!

Miami Dolphins-After releasing both of last years starters Daunte Culpepper and Joey Harrington after one measley season, the Dolphins were counting on apparent panacea Trent Green to take over. One smack to that 36-year old body later and Green's unconscious, Culpepper's in Oakland, Joey's in Atlanta, and one Cleo Lemon is leading a professional football team. Where do they come up with these names?

Kansas City Chiefs-After splitting time as he usually seems to do with Trent Green last year, the Chiefs put their trust in Damon Huard when they got rid of Green. Don't look now but once again Huard's got someone breathing down his neck, it's Brodie Croyle.

Oakland Raiders-Where players go to die (just ask Randy Moss). Regardless of how you've fared elsewhere, if you play in Oakland, your skills will physically decline, probably from the lack of human souls in their stadium. Their quarterback carousel has gone and killed over the past two years the halfway decent careers of Aaron Brooks, Marques Tuiasosopo, and Josh McCown. As of now, our old friend Daunte Culpepper is in control and actually doing halfway decent. Don't worry though, with first round draft choice JaMarcus Russell waiting in the wings to screw up, it's only a matter of time before big D either blows his chance or blows out his knee. Ever since Gannon retired after their Super Bowl run five years ago no one's started for two consectutive years and they've never won more than five games.

Chicago Bears-Two season after Rex Grossman managed to unseat the even more inept Kyle Orton and one season after Rex stumbled after his defense into the Super Bowl, Grossman's received the boot in favor of Miami's favorite son Brian Griese. Here's to Griese who actually utilizes a potent receiver like Muhsin Muhammad (you knew I had to throw that in).

Minnesota Vikings-Three years after having the most exciting offense to watch this side of St. Louis, the Vikings have fallen apart so badly it's a three-horse, maybe horse is too complimentary of a word, three-pheasant race between Tavaris Jackson, Kelly "not a girl" Holcomb, and Brooks "alliteration's neat" Bollinger. Is it just me or did Thigpen, the guy on our practice squad during preseason, look better than the lot of them?

Atlanta Falcons-By far the muckiest and most publicized controversy of them all falls, appropriately, to the Dirty Birds. So-called quarterback Michael Vick was, if you haven't heard, suspended and arrested for dog fighting this summer. Thus, the habitually awful Harrington, signed as a backup this summer after Schaub left for Houston because Houston got rid of David Carr (see above, and below), once more stumbled into a starting role. Harrington has started the majority of every season since he came into the league six years ago, and yet he's never had a better passer rating than 77.5, while his career average is a 68, where passer ratings work very similar to test scores, he's basically at a D+. This guy can't not start, he plays in Detroit for four years because the management is just that stupid, he goes to Miami last year and takes over when Culpepper gets hurt, he comes to Atlanta and before he even reports to training camp Vick gets arrested. This season, after six games of Joey magic and a 1-5 start he was benched in favor of Byron Leftwich, who was signed early in the season after the Jaguars released him you'll remember. Well, just over half way into his first game, which was going pretty well, Leftwich twists his ankle, and the job goes once again, back to Harrington. They can't even keep him out of the lineup for one game! It's the Harrington curse. Leftwich would have been able to enjoy the Jaguars struggles when Garrard went down earlier in the day except in some form of ironic justice, both the Jags preseason QB contenders received month long injuries that same Sunday.

Carolina Panthers-So, after lots of very silly talk that Texans cast off David Carr would challenge incumbent Jake Delhomme, Delhomme naturally kept his role and got off to a fantastic start. Sadly, in the third game, he injured a ligament in his elbow, needing surgery to get it replaced and ending his season. So, after two games of classic Carr: lots of sacks, low completion percentage, and mediocre overall performance, he too went down with an injury. That left undrafted rookie Matt Moore as the only healthy QB on the roster. So the Panthers did what everone should do in their time of need, they called on soon to be 44-year old, won the Heisman before I was born, Vinny Testaverde. Vinny led the team to victory four days after coming out of retirement and joining the team and now is embroiled in a battle with Carr who is healthy again.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers-After the triumverate of Chris Simms, Bruce Gradkowski, and Tim Rattay all failed to get it done last year, the team has found surprising success with the hot and cold and 37 years old Jeff Garcia.

Arizona Cardinals-Last year saw the Cardinals switching off between constantly overlooked veteran Kurt Warner and rookie hopeful Matt Leinart. Things looked to be going the same way this season, much to Leinart's displeasure, until he broke his collarbone, ending his year. So, with Warner set to rule the roost, he too was injured in his first game as sole starter, forcing back-up Tim Rattay, who was signed during the week when they failed to land Testaverde themselves, into a role he failed at very quickly. Thankfully for them it looks like Warner's okay.


San Francisco 49ers-After ending last year and starting this season with the young Alex Smith, like seemingly all fair to average quarterbacks in this league, he suffered an injury. Who stepped in but the oft-shunted wonder Trent, yes another Trent, Dilfer, and to surprsingly effective results.

Football!