The Reluctant Boy Scout

About four months ago I wrote a very lengthy post detailing my personal experiences as a youth participating in Boy Scouts, covering a timeline from Cub Scouts up through earning my Eagle Badge. The gist of the writeup was that, for someone as involved as I was in the program, I truly did not enjoy most of my time as a Scout, but for a variety of reasons, stuck with it to the end.

The impetus for writing this piece was a number of factors, explained below, but I shelved the post as I thought it got a bit too personal and probably too bitter as well (before I sound unilaterally negative though, I honestly did like some aspects and many of the people involved in Scouting). 

In light of this past week's developments however (a brief aside - I had no idea 70% of troops were sponsored by churches before reading that article, mine was not), I began to reconsider my decision, and I've decided to compromise by releasing the last 20% of the post (that portion most relevant to the present news cycle), while still keeping the other 80% under wraps. 

As I've done once before, if you'd like to read the thing in its entirety, just ask and I'd be happy to oblige you through a less public forum.

Without further ado then, here's the end of the original post:


But why am I really writing this, you may ask. Just to finally compile, explain, and expel all my frustration with Scouting in one fell swoop? I won't deny I enjoyed that aspect, but that's not where my inspiration came from. Rather, it sprang up over the past few months following a few different events.  

The first was simple enough. I saw Wes Anderson's lovely new film Moonrise Kingdom, during which I greatly enjoyed the satirization of Boy Scouts, often mocking many of the same traits I took issue with, and couldn't help but begin reflecting upon my own experiences.

The other reasons are more sobering and followed shortly thereafter. The first was the minor uproar that was caused this summer when BSA (Boy Scouts of America) announced that following a multi-year review they were upholding their ban on allowing openly gay boys to join Scouts. The second was the release of the so-called "Perversion Files" - a list of thousands of internal records kept by BSA detailing allegations of child abuse by adult leaders so that they could ban those leaders from continuing to serve in such a capacity. This was especially controversial because in many cases they never notified public authorities. 

In light of these events Scouting has undergone a public relations beating.

Given my tumultuous yet lengthy history with the program, I felt compelled, almost obligated, to share my thoughts on these matters, and to a degree even defend that institution I largely dreaded attending for so long in order to combat misinformation.

First though, I thought it was necessary to lay the groundwork by detailing my involvement with the program. As noted, I clearly never held an especial fondness for Scouting, but the verbal thrashing I've seen all facets of the organization taking during the past few months was often (certainly not always) based in ignorance. In this regard I feel like I have a pretty unique vantage point. Based on my personal experience with Scouting, I am perhaps equally inclined and disinclined to join in any criticism of their practices. I feel as if I have the knowledge to speak intelligently on the issues but I was not invested to the degree that I would be biased to defend all their actions, perhaps even the opposite.

As an Eagle Scout who didn't like most aspects of Scouting, I occasionally felt like I was some kind of undercover agent, a deeply planted mole whose mission it was to infiltrate BSA and observe all their actions from within. On some level I would feel a small kernel of satisfaction when something ridiculous or stupid happened, because it helped me feel justified in my mixed feelings about Scouting. But honestly, there really weren't any deep dark secrets. Mainly Scouting just wasn't for me.

Concerning the ban on gay scouts: To pull a line from my liberal arts play-book, as a private institution if the administration of BSA wants to create a culture that reinforces the views of a hetero-normative 1950's America that's up to them. Though personally it seems only inevitable this will end like DADT or Augusta National. As described, many of their traditions even seemed mind-numbingly antiquated to me as an eleven year old.

However, I have a problem with some of the vocal critics of this policy who have been illustrating BSA as some sort of homophobic breeding ground. The fact of the matter is, the topic of homosexuality barely, if ever, came up. I didn't even know the policy existed until I stumbled across an article about it while thumbing through my dad's Newsweek when I was in middle school. I remember furrowing my brow, going "huh," and then moving on with my day. In Scouts there was no demonization of gays, no being drilled on the virtues of heterosexuality or the vices of homosexuality. (Okay, okay, so the last line of the Scout Oath ends "I will do my best ... to keep myself ... morally straight." But the thing was written in 1908, when neither 'straight' nor 'gay' had the same connotations).

We were, in a sense, fortunate as well to not have any gay kids in our troop while I was there (that I'm aware of anyway) so we never had to witness any sort of ugly painful dispute or excommunication. And in the absence of that, the policy just never came up, it might as well have not existed. I'm not sure I ever heard a single adult leader even mention it.

The only time I ever even remember discussing it with friends was once in 8th grade or so when a frenemy of mine learned I was in Scouts.

"Boy Scouts? That is so gay."

"Well, actually," I replied, blushing, "Gays are banned from Scouts."

Now, concerning the release of the Perversion Files:

Largely because I'm not operating with full information, I'm also still somewhat torn regarding how I feel about BSA's handling of the situation. On one hand, I actually want to give them credit; clearly they were keeping records in the first place with intent to protect the boys in their program, and starting 47 years ago no less before child abuse was generally recognized. But by sometimes keeping their suspicions away from law enforcement (a practice now forbidden by BSA as of 2011), they may have perpetuated the problem and put others in danger. And to make matters worse, from a spectator’s view point it sure looks like they were trying to keep it quiet to protect their image; if so that is unacceptable, hard as coming clean may have been.

I must admit, I am truly having a hard time seeing straight on this one. My desire to try and give them partial credit feels like it’s being generated by some long standing loyalty to the program (which despite all my issues with BSA, seems to exist on some level); it’s like that pull you feel when you find out a dark truth about someone close to you that you don’t want to believe, and begin rationalizing or trying to come up with excuses for them. I don’t want to believe something undisputedly terrible could be true about them. But as I try and imagine this story breaking about some group I had no ties to, I think I would find it crushingly naïve for someone to believe the failure to report these abuses to police was anything other than an attempt to avoid bad press, a prioritization of an institution over justice and the wellbeing of their members.

All that said, just because I feel the tug of loyalty, does that mean it’s not true? At least it can be said that they did take action, to remove these leaders and keep them out, unlike some of the other similar stories that have broken over the years. The problem was they probably wanted to have their cake and eat it too; they wanted to protect their boys and their image, but in doing the latter they partially compromised their ability to do the former, and when the stakes are no less than a child’s innocence, the gamble shouldn’t have even been considered.

Is this what it's like, I wonder, to be a former Penn State football player? To be ignorant of the heinous acts going on around you, yet still feel guilty and embarrassed about your affiliation with the organization? Maybe for some alumni, but I can’t say I feel those emotions too strongly. Probably because like 90% of Scouts this wasn't something that came up in my troop (once again I should probably qualify that with a "that I know of"), and I’m thankful to say that’s as much of an “insider” perspective as I can share on this particular topic. It was, naturally, disturbing to hear about, and much like the Catholic Church I guess it's another case of a straight-laced veneer fostering a repulsive culture of abuse beneath the surface, but I don't really feel guilty or like I should be ashamed of my participation in Scouts. How was I to know? What could I have done?

So, disappointed? Yes, they definitely should have handled things better, kids lives may have been ruined by the decision to keep some of their records in-house (it's hard to make a direct correlation given the relative lack of detail about the cases that've come out, but based on a pure numbers standpoint (there were over a thousand records), it's unfortunately more than likely some of the dismissed adult leaders went on to prey on kids outside of the organization since they weren't reported to the cops). But embarrassed? Not really. My scout-masters were nothing but exemplary, if occasionally in their own eccentric way, and I highly doubt they knew anything either, so I still feel like I can feel proud of my troop and my badge (or as much luke-warm pride as I ever felt). The ones making these decisions were way up the chain, and quite frankly given this practice started in the 60's, probably in a bit of denial. BSA is a huge organization in which a couple people in positions of power made some significant (possibly despicable) missteps. But they don't represent me.

While it took far too long, it does seem they are now genuinely adapting to try and fix this. People might start castigating and cracking jokes, but I would hope and expect them to understand that while it's clearly a big deal, the errors of a few certainly shouldn't tarnish everything positive the program has done and stood for. And for all the boys who were traumatized or molested and saw their aggressors go unpunished, all I can say is, I hope you’ve found peace, and know that people out there are thinking of you.

..........................................................................................................

In the end, perhaps the most useful question to ask about Scouting would be, do I regret it? Knowing everything I do now, do I regret being in Scouts and spending the time and effort to earn my Eagle?

I think the answer is no. 

I used to have a huge problem with work ethic and values. I was insanely lazy and materialistic as a boy. Most of my goals in life revolved around maximizing the amount of snack food I could eat, movies and TV I could watch, and depending on my age, the amount of toys or computer games I could acquire.

Left to my own devices, I would gladly sit in my house all day every weekend (if feeling ambitious I might invite a friend over to join), and I often did.

This is one of the reasons I disliked many of the activities we did in Scouts so much. And while I think most of my progression beyond the gluttonous whiny wimpy child that I was just came from natural maturation, I think a small part of it could be attributed to Scouts.

It definitely put me outside my comfort zone and forced me to try things I never ever ever would have otherwise, plus I got a decent amount of exercise out of it, and learned a few skills I still remember. Also, I do think one of the main principles pounded into us, "Be Prepared," actually sunk in for me because of Scouts.The more attitude based stuff ("A Scout is cheerful") is extremely hard to keep in mind all the time, but for something practical like preparation, it's just a second gear that kicks in now after so much (active, not just verbal) repetition. Finally, if not in Scouts, I probably wouldn't have been doing anything better with my time anyway during the early years - likely just more lounging around.

 (And once more, I'll still always be able to put it on my resume).

But maybe an equally telling question to pose is this: Would I encourage my hypothetical son to join Scouts?

The answer to that is also no.

I would not encourage my kids to do it. I would never place on them the huge familial burden I felt to earn something as intimidating as the Eagle badge at such a young age. And just because I don't necessarily regret my participation, doesn't mean I'm giving Scouts a resounding endorsement either. As described, I really truly despised lots of the situations Scouts put me through, and only a percentage of those were the character building kind, lots of them were things I just did straight up not enjoy and couldn't really get anything out of. So no, I would not encourage them to join. If they expressed interest I wouldn't stop them, but I'd explain my experience to them as well (in a non-jaded manner), and let them know it was okay to quit if they wanted. When the time was right too, I would describe to them the faults and outdated, perhaps even bigoted, policies of the institution. The decision would be entirely theirs.