Back-trackin'

An overwhelming phenomenon has infiltrated our midst without warning, unbeknownst to most, unheeded by others. This silent scourge has cut to our society's deepest roots, threatening the lives of all who are really really anal, and naturally, small children and puppies. The transpiration I speak of is of course the way that the current lingo has made it popular to exclaim some word when its antonym is appopriate. 'What's that old miser whistling about this time?' you might be saying, well let me show you.

Take a jaunt down one of the high schools of today and in passing you'll likely overhear a variety of people yelling things like "That's sick dude! Sick!", or "Insane bra! I feel you!" Without having to think about it though, you understand that whatever the first fellow is descrbing is nothing gross or sickening, but rather something quite cool. The second child too need not explain that what he actually means is that something is quite impressive to him, and most certainly sane.

This unseemly trend was recently brought to my attention by something our own Trent said to me recently. I proposed some outrageous event to which he responded, "That's awesome, besides the fact that it wouldn't be remotely so." This just struck a chord making me realize how often such maxims are used today. The time when my dad got mad at me for saying that someone we saw was "insane" for running as much and as fast as he did, quickly came to mind. No matter how long I tried to explain that what I meant was I thought what that guy was doing was really cool, my dad just thought I was trying to cover up my tracks and kept arguing it was indicative of how lazy I am, cause I mean, you gotta admit, I'm pretty much a vegetable. Then of course the scene from A Kid in King Arthur's Court where Calvin is trying to explain to the princess that when he said she was 'bad' he meant she was really awesome also jumped to the forefront of my brain workings(I know you were all instantly thinking of that same example too).

Two of the most popular words for describing something appealing, 'hot' and 'cool' are even by definition opposites. The phrase dying from laughter might lead an ignorant lubber to dire confusion. And how often does one hear something depicted as being off the chain when it is most certainly on it, or have someone refer to their innie as an outie? Countrymen, me must take a stand before our nation undergoes more flip-flops then Kerry (Ho! I'm political!). I have made the decision to write a book on this very topic and its erosion on our society and its character; how can we expect newcomers to ever fully understand our country if we constanstly contradict ourselves hmm? Just look at poor Arnold! This is going straight to Jon Stewart's desk, mark my words, with blood and blue or black ink just to be safe.

See ya on the flipside United States.